Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Love Songs and Poems

The Wargamer to His Love
Mark well this tank, and mark it thus,
'Tis but a token of my heart
Though it dost cut thy east flank thus
It shall not sever us apart.

And my small soldiers, know, my love,
As they defeat thy pale vanguard
Affections that I did speak of,
Thy fairest heart will yet bombard.

The tenderest feelings I am bound
To send, and thou accept, I trust
Though I do tenderize and pound
Thine armies into finest dust.

When victory is mine, I'll say
That love alone is all that's won
And nothing else. Oh, by the way,
The count is forty-four to one.

The Eurogamer to His Love
I'll trade with thee, and thou dost choose
To favor me, and thus return
My offer, then, upon my muse,
We two shall glean what we did earn.

For twain we shall fly on ahead
Together, like two white winged swans,
While common enemies instead
Do fret about their idling pawns.

And we shall see our harbors full
And build our cities tall and good
Abundant stores of brick and wool
And piles of ore, and wheat, and wood.

Upon a flowered field we'll lie
Singing sonnets, one to one,
Content and smiling, eye to eye,
Until the minute I have won.

The Roleplayer's Love Sonnet
How do I love thee? Let me roll the dice.
I love thee to the depth and breadth of Mandorralan's gorge,
Where we did brutally fight a party of hellish succubi
While the dim star of Romulus twinkled overhead.
I love thee like the ten thousand points of experience
We gained from that adventure,
As well as a magic scroll labelled Being and Ideal Grace,
Which still resists all of our attempts to identify.
I love thee to the twentieth level of Fangor's deep dungeon
A wicked maze of traps by torch-light,
Wherein Windwalker, our half-elven Ranger, turned one knob too many
And was disintegrated, and could be no longer resurrected.
I love thee freely, as surely as I did adorn my finger
With a Ring of Free Action;
I love thee purely, as surely as if I had just imbibed
A Potion of Sweet Water.
I love thee with the 18/00 strength necessary
To wield my Rod of Lordly Might,
Which has saved our party more times than I can mention,
And so must be running out of charges.
And I would love thee with my holy sword Avenger,
And with the lost artifact of Zaar, had they not been taken
In a snit by the DM, for having been too game-unbalancing.
I love thee with the shouts, smiles, and tears
of every dungeon crawl won and lost! --- and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after thou coughest up
The five thousand gold pieces necessary
To buy for me a scroll of Raise Dead.

The CCG Player's Love Song
Heh heh. Boobies.

The Tragic Console Gamer's Tale
"O what can ail thee, joystick knight,
Alone and pale and quivering?
The rez has faded from your screen,
And no amps sing.

O what can ail thee, joystick knight!
So haggard and so crusty?
Thy trigger finger's faintly blue,
And the console's dusty.

I see dead pixels in thine eyes
Thy skin is moist with Mountain Dew
And on thy cheeks thy spittle streams
And though hast not bathed, too."

"I saw a lady in the zone
Full beautiful - a wootness child,
Her hair was long, her guns were prepped,
And her eyes were wild.

I armed the quip and holstered ray,
And like a tank stepped out of zone;
She trained my line, like silicon brick,
Which made me moan.

I linked her on my airtrack scopes.
We sped the web all twilight long,
A strand she never slackened, while she
Sang industrial song.

While under flare we shock and awed
'Til we were forced to camp and bait.
And sniping true, she texted me
"I love thee, mate."

Perim controlled, She avatarred
A question and I signed assent.
So good to go, I upped my 'word
And to her leant.

The next thing I remember
All my loot was gone. Ah, this suxxor!
A mesage from a mod imparted
All the score.

A company of leets besides
Had all been taken by this chick.
I cried, La Damn Bitch sans Mercy
Has done her trick!

And that is why I'm slouching here,
Alone and pale and quivering.
Though rez has faded from my screen,
And no amps sing."


Yehuda

(rolegamer props to EBB, console gamer props to JK)

4 comments:

Ben said...

I love da poems. Thanks for popping in, even if it was to reprimand me a bit :P

DWTripp said...

Superb stuff! Not being a console gamer I can only assume that "cheek spittle" is common amongst that crowd. But man, did you ever peg the war gamers and Euro gamers.

Gerald McD said...

You are most certainly the Gaming Poet Master! Fantastic!

Clay said...

Nice.