Sunday police arrested Harvey Simpson*, who has legally changed his name to El Grande, for shoplifting tools from a local hardware store. Simpson was detained by a store employee who noticed that a laser level he’d hidden in his pants had been accidentally turned on, producing a red dot on the front of his jeans. When police arrived, they found a set of wrenches, a Makita cordless drill and a DeWalt hand sander hidden in his clothing along with an assortment of flashlights, measuring tapes and a T-square which was in his sleeve and caused him to keep his arm at a right angle.
This reporter interviewed “El Grande” and was told that he planned to hock the tools in order to afford more Euro-games, whatever those are. Simpson will plead temporary insanity due to an addiction to these games. He hoped that bail wouldn’t be any higher than 3 Talents.
*The name is fictional because this is, of course, all hooey.
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