Saturday, November 12, 2005

How to Eat a Game

Buy one medium-weight game for a family of four, or else figure half an hour per person.

Open box, remove contents. Discard plastic bags.

Soak board in water with a touch of lemon juice.

Put pawns and wooden cubes in a lightly greased pan, sprinkle with coriander, and bake in oven at 400 degrees for one hour.

Heat canola oil in large frying pan. Shuffle cards, cut into 1/2-inch strips. Dip the strips into raw egg and bread crumbs, deep-fry for twenty minutes.

When board is thoroughly soaked, carefully remove paper from board. Scrape all glue into mixing bowl. Discard paper.

Tear up rules. Soak bits in sherry and diced chives and roll into balls.

Assemble cube tower. Tenderize with hammer.

Add the fried cards, rule balls and roast pawns to the mixing bowl and stir. Shave cubes with sharp knife, add to mixture to taste.

Cover mixing bowl with aluminum foil.

Get in car, drive to zoo, strangle kangaroo. Extract juice from pineal gland with a sturdy syringe. Hide evidence of foul play in pouch.

Return home, remove aluminum foil, squirt kangaroo extract liberally onto mixture.

Stuff the mixture into the cube tower with spatula, roll tower in softened board.

Broil for two hours.

When done, garnish with dice and serve with tossed tiles.

Bon appetit!


Coldfoot said...

Needs salt.

Rick said...

And a touch of Wonder Powder.

ekted said...

Slow game week, Joe?

Anonymous said...

I was with you until the part about strangling a kangaroo. I don't have any zoos nearby. Do they sell quality Kangaroo extract at Stew Leonards?

Joe Gola said...

Pretty much any marsupial will do; I only said kangaroo because they're bigger and you get more juice out of them. As an easier alternative you could strangle six or seven possums.

huzonfirst said...

Yeah, you may want to go the possum route instead of the 'roo. Even Randy Newman is on record as saying he don't want to hurt no kangaroo. And I'm *definitely* in favor of "tenderizing" the cube tower with a hammer!