Wednesday, August 16, 2006

From the Book of I Teuber, Chapter 11

1. In the year of Mississippi Queen, during the reign of Knizia the Wise, a Gamer of Gamers came forth from the Bayou and walked amongst the Children of Hasbro. His name was Greg which means "He Who Writes Session Reports".

2. Greg first appeared unto the Children of Hasbro in the Land of the Spielfriek-ites, a tiny land with abundant groves bearing large fruit, and sheltered by great mountains. The inhabitants were few but were eager for the Word of Boardgames.

3. In the Land of the Spielfriek-ites Greg spoke with a knowledgeable voice and the Words he spoke resounded in the halls of kings far beyond the shadow of the Moderator Mountains. He spoke with a kind, yet mighty voice and said, "Hear me ye Children of Hasbro and listen good for I bring unto you the Word of Good Boardgames and Good Card Games from a far land that is called Germany."

4. The Spielfriek-ites listened and all who heard him said, "Here is a good, wise and humble man. Surely he knows of which he speaks."

5. Greg spread the Word of Good Boardgames amongst the Spielfriek-ites and they prospered. They multiplied quickly and the land bore much wool, grain, clay, ore, and timber which was used to make meeples, little wooden houses and colored cubes of varying sizes.

6. Heeding the Words of Greg and other wise men, the Kings, Merchants, Farmers and Priests of the Spielfriek-ites gathered much treasure and their Leaders acquired many followers making them safe from neighboring Kings, Merchants, Farmers, and Priests.

7. However, the next generation in the Land of the Spielfriek-ites grew discontented and bickered amongst themselves. The Children grew haughty and prideful in their knowledge of Games and scorned newcomers who came to hear the Words of Greg and other wise men.

8. That generation's displeasure with newbies was magnified every time one was heard to say, "Hey! I just played this great game called Catan something. Have you heard of it?" and "Gathering of Friends? What is that?" The older generation became jaded by the attitude of the younger.

9. Greg spaketh unto the young people saying unto them, "Have ye not heard my message of Boardgame Evangelism? Or have ye heard and not heeded? Your fields abound with corn, sugar, indigo, tobacco and coffee. Why are ye unwilling to share this bounty with the Children of Hasbro in less fortunate lands?" The young people listened not and continued to throw barbs at newcomers.

10. Greg dreamt one night of a Meeple saying, "The Children of the Spielfriek-ites have turned away from The Message of Good Boardgames and have grown discontented by the words of rules lawyers, chit-chatterers, and malcontents.

11. Neither abandon, nor forget the Spielfriek-ites, for their fathers were good and generous people and their grandchildren will likewise hear and be faithful. Nevertheless venture forth from this land and spread the Word of Good Boardgames amongst the Children of Hasbro in the land of the Geek. And Lo, create the International Gamers Awards to counteract the abomination which is the Games Magazine Game of the Year."

12. Greg arose and left the Land of Spielfriek-ites. On his journey he accepted neither gold nor cash donations, but survived on a stream of "review copies" delivered by the FedEx man every morning with regularity.

13. On his journey Greg met other wise men and created the IGA as the Meeple had instructed. He proclaimed the Word of Good Boardgames, and returned often to the Spielfriek-ites to share and to glean Words of Boardgame Wisdom.

14. One day on Greg's journey a pastel camel stood in his path and proclaimed, "A Spielfriek-ite named Derkes awaits in the Land of Dallas. Seek him out in the lowliest hovel, littered with beer cans and discarded pizza boxes, for he proclaims The Word of Good Boardgames and is a good and faithful servant."

15. Greg gawked at the camel and said, "Art Thou not a camel, how speakest to me as Thou wert a person?" The camel just winked. Greg said, "Surely none but an animal could live in a hovel such as Thou describest?" The pastel camel spat upon Greg, and would respond no more.

16. Greg found Derkes as the camel had proclaimed. Upon seeing Greg, Derkes offered a hand in "High 5" fashion and said, "Hark, The Gamer of Gamers. Two days ago a pastel camel appeared unto me saying, 'A man from the Bayou will arrive in two days. You must copy and paste his Words for all to see, especially for the Children of Hasbro who live in the shadow of the Moderator Mountains, but even unto those who live in the far corners of the Earth.' That smarmy camel then spat upon me, but I see it is You of whom he spoke."

17. Greg spaketh, "Arise, bathe yourself, and begin copying and pasting the Word I have given unto the Children of Hasbro, for I see that you are a True and Faithful Servant of Boardgames. I have an appointment with Prince Aaddam from the Land of Gamefest."

18. Derkes arose, gave Greg a bear hug, a slap on the back, and swore a few times. Between games of Tichu Derkes copied and pasted the Words of Greg for all the True Geeks to see. So spreadth the Word of Good Boardgames unto the Children of Hasbro in the Land of the Geek, and Lo, even unto those scattered beyond the corners of the Earth.


huzonfirst said...

19. And then, there was light.

Gerald McD said...

Excellent parable. Well, perhaps not a parable, but a good story, anyway.

A High 5 and a slap on the back for you. On the other hand, may the camel spit in your eye for the disdainful reference to Games Magazine. Shame be upon you! ;-)