Monday, September 18, 2006

GAME STORE CONFIDENTIAL ~ The usual gang of Idiots


"Hey guys, we just did that wrong! It says each player, in order, chooses which number will produce commodities, but before the next player chooses, we all select where to put our worker for that number."

"Well crap! Let's pick them all back up and start over."

"Sheesh! Jon! We didn't play this way before."

"Sure we did DW...... I think"

"By the way, it says here in the rules once you acquire a Law Card you can't buy more crap."

- several tense moments of silence fill the room -

"Well, we'll play that way next time."


"Errrr... do we have to replace our wood building in order to build a stone building?"

" I'm not sure, but there's lots of really colorful diagrams here."

"Let's ask Michael. You interrupt him this time."

"So how come we're almost done here and hardly anyone built any buildings?"

"I dunno, maybe we're moving the Bailiff too fast?"

"Well, all I want to know is how to get enough money to keep from ending up in last place."

"Okay, while you guys are figuring it out I'm going to smoke. Hey Shaun? Got any smokes?"

Warrior Knights

"Man, he must have been eating cookies dipped in ganja this morning... he's plodding thorugh the rules at a glacial pace."

"Really? Well, we played Warrior Knights already and it was pretty simple"

"Yeah? Well from what I heard you played the combat wrong."

"How can you play it right? There's 12 pages of rules just detailing combat!"

"Why are the other players eyes closed? Are they praying?"

"I don't think so, I think they passed out. Wanna go smoke?"

"Sure. Got any cigarrettes?"

Frank's Zoo

"Well this is pretty simple. Nice little game."

"Right, so now on the next round we add in the points for Lions, subtract the hedgehog points, add in the senior partner and junior partner rules... except for the odd man out, who doesn't get a partner and then we also have to keep track of who went out and in what order."



"There's no way a paragraph that big will fit on that tiny little rule leaflet."

"Here, let me read the rules...."

-15 minutes later-

"Then garbdled dzxfug into das gunniertthang jercutin blag erg dose mondo"



-15 minutes later-

"Well DW didn't actually get a point for going out last, here, it's right in the rules next to gurgel-boken ladel blogga-wiggin oui straaas-mochen qyxuito ergo."



"Hey DW! It's your turn! Get back in here!"

"Sure.... hey... nice weasel."

"That's not a weasel, it's hedgehog and that mosquito is actually an elephant."

"Ah. Did the same guy who translated Power Grid and Reef Encounter do this one?"

Winner's Circle

"Man, these rules are so easy?"

"Yeah, hey Jumbo, why not bet on this guy, if you get a saddle he does 20 spaces. Two of those and you win."

"Ha! Never happen."

"Yeah, this game is all about screw-your-buddy.... you don't have a chance."

"Well, I'm so far behind and since The rules say this round pays pays double, what do I have to lose?"

"Okay boys, whatever you do, screw Jumbo's horse over big time."

"Hey, look! I rolled a saddle! Cool. Twenty spaces."

"Nice. But it won't happen again."

-4 minutes later-

"Okay, since there's now only Jumbo's horse that both sucks and blows... except for the saddle... all you have to remember is don't roll a saddle."


"Dude. That horse got across in like two moves."

"Anyone got any smokes?"


"Okay Jason, how do you play this thing?"

"Here, I'll show everybody."

-7 seconds later-

"Wow. That's it?"

-3 minutes later-

"I win."

Things discussed in the 45 minute debrief while everyone waits for the Excedrin to kick in

~ Unacceptable belches
~ Grognards are Nerds
~ Origins of the term Euro-Snoot
~ The George R.R. Martin novels
~ Snowcrash
~ tarantula migrations in Big Bend Country, Texas
~ The winter I counted 117 dead deer between Pocatello and Mountain Home, Idaho
~ FLGS vs. Online buying
~ Games based on terrorism and why the Nuclear War card game, plus expansions, isn't worth $60
~ Why Risk sucks

5 Things I will never do again

1. Play Frank's Zoo
2. Bring Warrior Knights to a game day where Euro-Snoots are the majority
3. Sit next to an 11 year old gamer who has rubber bands, is on a sugar high and seems to have a neural disorder resulting in a syndrome we dubbed "Gamer Tourettes"
4. Walk normally.... as a result of the jutting, knife-edged, metal projections on Jon's cheapie banquet table
5. Play Caylus or Keythedral until I own the games and have read the rules myself

3 Things I will now do

1. Buy Tsuro
2. Make sure Jumbo and Shaun are always nearby with a steady supply of cigarettes... so I can continue to be a non-smoker
3. Enjoy myself as much as I did today, despite the lack of perfection in the games we played, the people who attended and the mistakes I made (leading to a winless day of great fun).

Ain't this why we call ourselves Game Geeks?


Anonymous said...

4. Walk normally.... as a result of the jutting, knife-edged, metal projections on Jon's cheapie banquet table

I assume you were sitting at the end of the table? I feel your pain! I have those same tables, but have been too lazy to file them. It's just easier for me to not sit there ;).

kfritz (BGG name)

Gerald McD said...

That was fun to read! I think I'm glad I wasn't there, though. . .

Frank's Zoo is loads of fun, if you ignore the special scoring and partners rules.

Anonymous said...

I'm doing a camping trip in Big Bend in November for a week. Me no likey spiders. Ack.

We are also having a deer epidemic here in central Texas. some virus thingy killing a ton of them off.

Warrior Knights in a euro-den? What are you stupid?

11 year old. easy solution that works for me, don't game with anyone under the age of 28...problem solved.

Cigarettes? Wow, not one single person in any of my gaming circles smoke...however everyone in my poker circle(of about 13) all smoke except me.

Nuclear War is bad ass at any price.

Franks Zoo rocks, get it right.

Lastly, I can't seem to get the frickin blogger words correct!!

Anonymous said...

Wow... 11 hours of gaming boiled down pretty nicely there, dw. Well done ;)

Although, I'm sure you will do all those things again. Well, except for play Frank's Zoo again - I'm with you 100% there.

DWTripp said...

kfritz is correct. I was at the end of the table. Ouch.

Looks like Jason and I are wrong about Frank's Zoo. Tragically though, the experience was so painful it's unlikely I'll ever recover.

Hey Chapel... tarantulas are the least of your worries when you camp down there... that's Commanche Territory!!

GROGnads said...

Well, you could also 'discuss' upon the latest "Dune" book called as: "the Road to Dune"
or NOT...

Coldfoot said...

I'm surprised, DW--you *liked* Tsuro? I wouldn't have thought it was your type of game. Maybe I have you confused with some other cantankerous gamer. :)

Burninator23 said...

Nicely done. Gives a good picture of your game day, with some fun bits.

Tsuro felt like fine, ultra-quick filler to me, but the lack of control you have sort of turned me off. The first time I played, the guy to my left got two turns...